


The Four Times Remus Lupin Didn't Have a Crush On A Black And The One Time He Did

by postjentacular



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1000 words, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Marauders' Era, Rated T for language, Swearing, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7530562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postjentacular/pseuds/postjentacular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or the one where Lily is the voice of reason... repeatedly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Four Times Remus Lupin Didn't Have a Crush On A Black And The One Time He Did

**Regulus**

“James! James! James!” Sirius repeated as loud as he could while he barrelled through the Gryffindor common room, as he bounded upstairs to the dormitories he changed his shout to “Prongs!” and continued bellowing until he skidded to a halt just beyond the door to their dormitory. Stepping through the door he noticed Remus first, Remus the perfect prefect lying in bed, the embodiment of hungover. Sirius turned on a sixpence, stilled himself and, hands in pockets, he slouched into the room. His unblinking grey eyes fixed on Remus’, a sharp, soul-crushing stare in complete contrast to his usual demeanor. “Prongs,” he began, not breaking eye contact with Remus, “did you hear about that absolute fuck who ditched his mates to go and get drunk last night? I mean would you believe anyone would _dare_ to ditch us? The _truth_ is we’re abso-bloody-lutely delightful, wouldn't you agree, Moony?”

Remus sunk further into his bed and wished his hangover would be the death of him.

“Pads,” Sirius turned to look at James, “did you really just scream your way through the tower to tell me that Moony is hungover? He’s right here, I kinda noticed.”

“Oh no, dear James, I’ve far more interesting news than that,” Sirius climbed onto Remus’ bed seemingly oblivious to Remus still being in it, “for you see, fellow Marauders, our very own Moony has been keeping a secret from us,” Sirius threw his arms wide and announced, “Remus Lupin has an unrequited crush.”

“On who?” Peter asked.

“That is the best bit,” Sirius bounced down to sit on the bed, scooting backwards to lean against the headboard, “my little brother!”

* * *

**Andromeda**

“No, Prongs, he has to be lying _now_ ,” Sirius enthused from in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room, “Dorcas was positive there was Veritaserum in the Firewhisky, he couldn’t have lied during the game.”

“But why would he lie now, Pads?” James countered, “Think about all the things he’s already told us; Moony doesn’t lie.”

“He doesn’t,” Peter agreed through a mouthful of Chocolate Frog.

“But this is bigger than anything else ever!”

“I think you’re exaggerating, it’s just a crush,” James reasoned.

“It’s Moony, it’s my little brother, my life is irrevocably changed!”

“Not everything is about you Padfoot,” Peter pointed out.

Sirius whined, “But this is.”

Lily looked up from her book and cut into their conversation, bored, “He didn’t say ‘Regulus’, he said ‘Black.’”

“What?!” Sirius demanded, “How do you know?

“I was there,” she said, going back to her book.

“But it was a prefects’ party, you’re not a prefect,” said James.

“I’m Head Girl.”

“I’m Head Boy, how come I wasn’t invited?”

“Because, love,” she put down her book, marking the page, “if you were invited you’d bring him,” she indicated Sirius, “and if you and him and Remus were all there, Pete would come along too and it would’ve been yet another Marauders show.”

“Still doesn’t seem very fair,” pouted James.

“It was a democratic vote,” she said,

“Did Remus vote to keep us out?” asked James.

“He abstained.”

“What about you?”

“I didn’t have to vote, I proposed the motion.”

“Prongs,” Sirius interrupted, “can you deal with this lovers’ quarrel later? We have more important investigations right now.”

“It has to be Andromeda,” Peter proposed, unwrapping another Chocolate Frog passing the card to James out of habit, “she’s the lovely one.”

“Yes! Petey gets it,” Sirius leapt to his feet, “why would Moony like a git like Reg, when Andromeda exists?”

* * *

**Narcissa**

“What about Narcissa?” James asked while they finely shredded knotgrass for their potions, “She’s the clever one and he likes brains, doesn’t he?” he nodded to the desk on the other side of the dungeon where Remus was working with a trio of Ravenclaws.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Lily cautioned, “he usually likes you three and right now you seem to barely have one brain between the lot of you.”

Sirius gasped and clamped his hands over his heart, “Your words wound, Evans.”

* * *

**Bellatrix**

“They’ve decided it must be Bellatrix,” Lily slid into the chair opposite Remus and his huge stack of books in the recesses of the library without so much as a ‘Hello’.

“And I am to presume from your mirth that you didn’t correct them?”

“I am but a mere messenger,” she replied, not even attempting to hide her smirk.

“What you are is a shit stirrer, Lily Evans.”

“You know, you could just tell them, him, the truth,” she said, softer, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Or,” he mumbled from between the dusty pages, “I could just hope that Rodolphus gets to me first.”

* * *

**Sirius**

“Evans,” Sirius whined, “I’m bored.”

Lily looked up from her far-from-finished essay on the Goblin Wars, “Go find the boys then Sirius, I’ve got another fourteen inches to write tonight.”

“Can’t,” he whined, “James and Pete are in detention with McGonagall.”

“Then why aren’t you with them? You’re always with them.”

“Mini Mac didn’t think I was stupid enough to address the parcel of dungbombs to myself.”

“Then go find Remus, he said he’s going to the library.”

“He won’t be there, he’s a lying liar who lies. He’s probably out with his prefect friends or cavorting through the streets of Hogsmeade or-”

“Sirius, not this again. Remus is not a liar and, most importantly, believe me I can’t make this clear enough,” she enunciated each word carefully as if talking to a toddler, “Leave. Me. Alone.”

“He _is_ a liar, Evans. He said he had a crush and he doesn’t, not on Regulus, not on Andromeda, not on Nar-”

Lily slammed her quill on the desk, flicking little blobs of ink everywhere, “It is not often I disagree with McGonagall, but Sirius Black you are the stupidest man I have ever met, and trust me, I know stupid, I’m dating James Potter.”

Sirius froze and fell silent, his mouth agape; Lily cocked one eyebrow in response.

“Library, you said Lils?”

**Author's Note:**

>  **Standard fanfic disclaimer:** If you recognise it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling; this is just fanfic for nothing other than entertainment purposes.
> 
> Yes, I took some liberties with characters' ages; yes, I've made the Black sisters much younger than canon, but it's fluff


End file.
